RodWords

Selections From 

LIMERICKS 

1991

         Soup With A Fork

There once was a man from New York,

Who tried to eat soup with a fork,

The broth dribbled through,

As did creamy soups, too

'Till he sipped from the bowl like a stork.

         A Fresh Breeze

Freddy loved Limburger cheese,

And asked Mommy for more cheese, please

But Dad had to growl,

"Your breath is so foul,

Please gargle, we need a fresh breeze!"

         Rosey

There once was a wrestler named Rosey,

Who was jokingly called Mister Posey,

Until to the last wrestler pinned

Rosey spoke low and grinned,

"In the ring I am called Mister Throwsey."

("Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh..." KA-FLUMP!)

         Sneezel

There once lived a ghost named Cheezel,

Who could hardly scare even a weasel,

Until the dust of the attic

Brought a shiver of static,

And he shook the whole world with a sneezel.

         Foamy Commotion

On a hill overlooking the ocean,
An artist dabbles paint into motion,
From the quick-flowing brush,
Colors topple and gush,
As waves splash in foamy commotion.

         Rabola Cola

There's a town on the seacoast of Spain,

Where villagers bucket the rain,

It's bottled as cola,

By a man named Rabola,

Then exported through Europe by train.

         Ollie

There once was a molecule named Ollie,

Who drove a molecular trolly,

The blood stream his track,

He drove forth and back,

While others scoffed his molecular folly.

        Stan

There once was a man named Stan,
Who brought laughter like no one else can,
With his other half, Ollie
Flowed a lifetime of folly,
To a million or more laugh-happy fans.

         Beak

From a sky warring thunderclouds dark,

Sheets of rain pour down on the park,

In the midst of the deluge,

Like a piccolo prelude,

Three droplets play the beak of a Lark.

         Stencil

There once was a man named Pensil,

Who invented a new kind of stencil,

Made of heavy oak wood,

It worked none too good,

So he went back to painting his fencil.

         A Dentist Named Gish

The unfortunate dentist named Gish,

Was a man who fulfilled every wish,

His love for the ocean

Set his downfall in motion

As he opened a new practice for fish.

When he said, "Open wide," to a trout,

Not a single tooth asked to come out,

For most fish come equipped

With two gills and two lips,

Two fins and a clean, toothless snout.

He extracted small minnows from whales,

Built bridges on squids' slippery tails,

Filled cavities in clams,

Doing all with bare hands,

Fixing big moldy molars in snails.

'Till one day through the front office door,

Splashed a mammoth fish-monster galore,

The shark opened wide,

Gish he hungrilly spied,

So the doc dashed outside,

Behind a barge did he hide,

He sobbed and he cried,

"I won't practice on fishes no more."

Until a clam named Brine, and an oyster named Gline,

Approached the good dentist when he later felt fine.

"Do you still polish teeth?"

"Could you live by the reef?"
"Yes," he said, straightening his spine.

Now he spends happy days,

With a job that well pays,

Polishing clamshells to a brilliant white shine.

         The Pianist Bows

The pianist Fredrico Roblaire,

Took a bow in the spotlight's glare,

But a sour chord rang out,

And he jumped with a shout,

What struck the piano? His hair.

         The Turbulent Sea

On a ship called The Turbulent Sea,

Stood the sailor McDougall McKee,

The breakers were crashing,

Yet no water was splashing,

The scene was wax, in a museum, Room Three.

         Over The Snow

Slippery Quickery Joe,

Hopped over the streets of snow,

While juggling fruit,

And playing a flute,

They cheered "Hey look at Joe go!"